Last week I turned over a new decade. I am now 40 years old. I think back to when I was in my 20's, and can remember trying to think ahead to what my life would look like in my 40's. I could never really come up with anything. Back then, I really had no plan. I had no money and I just kind of lived my life without knowing what I was doing.
Then my 30's jumped in front of me. Those ten years seemed so long and never ending. So much happened! I was on tour with CATS when I turned 30, I moved back to New York exhausted, started dating someone, went to Florida for a while, came back to NYC, this guy I was dating temporarily moved into my tiny apartment on the upper west side, I started waiting tables, and... that guy broke up with me.
I went away to Ohio for a job, and upon my return, found MySpace. This MySpace endeavor helped me find a new boyfriend... which turned into love, into me moving to Brooklyn, getting a dog, and going through many ups and downs that handed me tons of tiny clues teaching me what I really craved in life. I spent another 4 years getting out of debt, getting my equity card, hustling, getting another dog, and continuing to figure what it was that made me happy.
After tons of hard work, and the amazing observation of my boyfriend figuring certain things out in his life... I decided it was time for me to do the same. Together, we decided to get married and commit to each other forever. Getting married, for me, was more than just this relationship step. I suddenly felt very different. Somehow being married made me feel like I had more to say and more to be. I knew that there were certain parts of my life that were not fulfilling me anymore. So I dug deep... and began making changes.
I went back to school and left the world of performing behind. Until I stepped away from it, I never knew how much it had been negatively affecting me. I was bitter, angry, bored, frustrated, sad, and depressed. The minute I began focusing on something other than auditioning and comparing myself to 125 other girls at any given moment of the day, I surprisingly started to see the light!
Suddenly, so much more mattered to me. My health, my husband, my dogs, my family, my sleep, my fitness, and my overall well being became all that I cared about. In my late 30's, I turned myself into a long distance runner and cyclist, I learned to embrace yoga and meditation with my entire being, I taught myself how to cook, I lost weight, I moved again, and truly began to feel fulfilled by my little life in Brooklyn.
So many things changed during the past decade... where will the next ten years take me? I really have no idea. But my starting point feels pretty darn good. I'm ready and open, and couldn't be more grateful for all the things my life has given me - past, present and future. You may even find me working on my fan kicks and pirouettes sometime in the near future. This time it's all for pleasure.
Then my 30's jumped in front of me. Those ten years seemed so long and never ending. So much happened! I was on tour with CATS when I turned 30, I moved back to New York exhausted, started dating someone, went to Florida for a while, came back to NYC, this guy I was dating temporarily moved into my tiny apartment on the upper west side, I started waiting tables, and... that guy broke up with me.
I went away to Ohio for a job, and upon my return, found MySpace. This MySpace endeavor helped me find a new boyfriend... which turned into love, into me moving to Brooklyn, getting a dog, and going through many ups and downs that handed me tons of tiny clues teaching me what I really craved in life. I spent another 4 years getting out of debt, getting my equity card, hustling, getting another dog, and continuing to figure what it was that made me happy.
After tons of hard work, and the amazing observation of my boyfriend figuring certain things out in his life... I decided it was time for me to do the same. Together, we decided to get married and commit to each other forever. Getting married, for me, was more than just this relationship step. I suddenly felt very different. Somehow being married made me feel like I had more to say and more to be. I knew that there were certain parts of my life that were not fulfilling me anymore. So I dug deep... and began making changes.
I went back to school and left the world of performing behind. Until I stepped away from it, I never knew how much it had been negatively affecting me. I was bitter, angry, bored, frustrated, sad, and depressed. The minute I began focusing on something other than auditioning and comparing myself to 125 other girls at any given moment of the day, I surprisingly started to see the light!
Suddenly, so much more mattered to me. My health, my husband, my dogs, my family, my sleep, my fitness, and my overall well being became all that I cared about. In my late 30's, I turned myself into a long distance runner and cyclist, I learned to embrace yoga and meditation with my entire being, I taught myself how to cook, I lost weight, I moved again, and truly began to feel fulfilled by my little life in Brooklyn.
So many things changed during the past decade... where will the next ten years take me? I really have no idea. But my starting point feels pretty darn good. I'm ready and open, and couldn't be more grateful for all the things my life has given me - past, present and future. You may even find me working on my fan kicks and pirouettes sometime in the near future. This time it's all for pleasure.
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